It all makes sense. As the price of gas rises, the price of transporting goods from one place to another rises.

The Lays Potato Chip truck requires more money in order to pay for the fuel that powers the truck that moves the chips from factories to stores.

The Lays factory requires more money in order to pay for the fuel that powers the machines that make the chips.

So Lays charges more for chips in order to meet the new financial demands, created by rising oil prices.

So everything that requires machines to be either made or transported should increase in price.

But there's also the issue of the weather.

I saw on the news this morning that California was going through a cold snap, and that some crops were dying.

I also heard that riots have already begun breaking out worldwide, due to food shortages.

So gas isn't the only issue here. As the food supply decreases, demand will increase, and prices will increase accordingly.

But who needs food? Who needs gas? And if you really need both, just buy a lot of beans.

I just read on Yahoo that people in their 40's with more belly fat than average have a far greater chance than average of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia when they are older.

"It's not clear why abdominal fat would promote dementia, but it may pump out substances that harm the brain."

So, here's my theory on why excess fat in general is bad for your brain:

When you go hungry, your body says, "Holy crap! They're still not eating enough! We better make them smarter. Hey, Sam!"

"What?"

"Hold off on that dementia stuff, will ya?"

"What for?"

"Our body ain't gettin' no food, ya dummy!"

"Keep yer shert on, I'll hold off, I'll hold off…"

So the hungry person's body maintains the brain, in an effort to fix whatever the problem is that is causing the prolonged hunger.

Meanwhile, in coconut land, the fat cat king is lounging away, stuffing his face with Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

Body says, "Hey, this guy's got plenty of resources. We don't need to worry about his smarts. Heck, we don't even gotta try if we don't want to."

Sam goes to work dumping brainkiller chemicals into the bloodstream.

Fat cat king becomes demented. Thinks he's Batman. Goes nuts.

So, in conclusion, when you fool your body into thinking times are tough (by not eating too much), it may go into hyper mode, keeping you smarter. Of course, caloric restriction has been shown to provide this benefit, as well as increasing the lifespan.

But food…tastes…so…good…AARGHH! Dementia…

Sometimes when I'm watching a commercial on television, I reflect on how the polished message of the company is truly absurd, and how it could be conveyed as such.

Take for example, a commercial for some low-calorie food item. I'm not sure which. The tag line is uttered by a woman enjoying the guilt-free snack. She says, "Hey, a girl's gotta eat." Which implies, "Hey, a girl's gotta eat this."

So I figure, just because she says it, doesn't make it so. But how best to parody this commercial?

I imagined a montage of women saying, "Hey, a girl's gotta eat," while doing something to demonstrate that blind catchphrase obedience is not always a good thing. First, a random lady sits down to a plate of cheesecake. An entire cheesecake. Fork in hand, she stares dreamily at the dessert, and says, "Hey, a girls gotta eat." Not so bad, right? Some people, women and men, have actually done that. I know I've wanted to. But the montage continues downhill from there.

A few clips later, a heavyset woman is sitting in a pile of empty pizza boxes, candy wrappers, and assorted garbage. Her face is covered with food, including chocolate frosting from a cake she's eating off the floor with her hands. "Hey, a girl's gotta eat," she says.

It just keeps getting worse, until finally, a morbidly obese woman is out for a stroll. Across the street, she sees little Jimmy Carver, a gaunt orphan, receive a gift from a compassionate stranger. At the pretzel stand, a woman buys him a salty treat. The woman herself is poor, and that's the last money she had, but she knew that little Jimmy would appreciate a pretzel more than she. It's the first food he's had in days. Upon receiving the gift, his face lights up. He can barely bring himself to eat the pretzel, it's so beautiful. As beautiful as his smiling benefactor. Tears can be seen in the eyes of the pretzel vendor. Meanwhile, on the other side of the street, the obese woman decides on a course of action. She lumbers across, stopping traffic, and makes her way to the pretzel stand. Pushing aside the kind stranger, she grabs the pretzel out of little Jimmy's hand and takes an enormous bite. Mouth full, she mumbles to saddened orphan, "Hey, a girl's gotta eat."

Sure, that was pretty gruesome. And sure, let's all hope it never happens in real life. But the moral of the story is, you can rationalize any action, but the rationalization doesn't always make it right.

And what really grinds my gears about the original commercial and its use of, "Hey, a girl's gotta eat," is the fact that it's obvious a girl's gotta eat. Everybody needs to eat. And there are plenty of alternatives to the food product in question. It's like using, "Hey, a guy's gotta breathe air," as a rationalization for breathing Coca-Cola's Bottled Air For Men.

Bottom line, the commercial could have given women a better reason to choose their product than to simply say, "This is food for girls, so girls, eat up!"