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Posts Tagged ‘ads’

You Can Save A Lot Of Time With DVR

Monday, March 31st, 2008

You may already know this, but the average block of television programming is 1/3 commercials. One way to verify this is by watching a DVD of a series. One episode runs at about 40 minutes. But wait! Wasn't it on TV taking up a whole hour? That means that 20 of those 60 minutes were commercials!

So, if you are busy, but have some favorite shows, you could build your schedule around them. Or, you could DVR them to watch later. Take that one step further, and fast forward through the ads (like most people do). Then you'll be saving yourself and extra 1/3 of the time.

This is especially useful with movies. DVR the TBS version of "Gone With The Wind" and make it through in record time — only 47 hours!

Asphalt, Aciphex, and Aspercreme

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I was watching television, as I'm sometimes prone to do, and I encountered a Gatorade commercial saying, "Without sweat, [a sporting arena] is just [a meaningless location]." Like, without sweat, a baseball diamond is just an oddly designed lawn. I guess their argument makes a little sense, because most people sweat when playing sports, and if they're not sweating, they're probably not playing, which renders the sporting arena useless. But they threw in one phrase that stuck out for me… Without sweat, [something] is just a "patch of hot asphalt."

The first time I heard it, I thought, "Did they just say 'hot piece of asphalt?' Ha ha, clever… You brainwashers!" I figured they tossed in something that sounded sexual in order to grab a casual viewer's attention. Then, listening a second time, I think the phrase is closer to "patch of hot asphalt," but it still sounds a little risqué.

That made me think back to Homer Simpson's Mr. Plow days, when an old lady asked him if he would ever so kindly treat her driveway a bit more gently, as she was afraid he'd scratch the asphalt. He acknowledged her request, and then as he walked away he quietly muttered "Kiss my asphalt." Ha, asphalt!! Priceless…

I couldn't believe it when I saw a commercial for a new heartburn medication that acts as a "protein pump inhibitor." Ooh, cool, right out of Star Trek! Hey, wait, isn't that just antacid? I mean they said in the commercial that all it does is lower the acidity of your digestive fluids. Anyway, it has an interesting name. Aciphex. Pronounced "Ass Effects." And you need a prescription. "Doctor, will this affect my ass?" "No, your donkey should be just fine."

I thought that was interesting enough, and then I remembered a previously advertised product that subtly changed its slogan halfway through its ad campaign. Remember this old tune?: "You bet your sweet Aspercreme!" I guess too many 8-year-olds were going around repeating that to their teachers, and someone somewhere got wise to the situation. I believe the slogan ultimately changed to, "You bet if it's Aspercreme!" Subtle enough to make any confident TV viewer question his sanity. "Hey, didn't that used to be… I must be losing my mind!"

One final note… Asberger's! (Ass Burgers, For Donkeys)

The Secret To Making Money Online

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Today I read a post John Chow wrote last month called, "There Is No Secret Formula." In it he writes how sometimes he get complaints from readers wanting him to stick to the subject of how to make money online. They feel that any diversion is pointless, and just want to know the secret to online success.

His response, as you can probably tell from the his post's title, is that there is no secret. There are programs, products, web sites, and tips and tricks galore all designed to fool people into thinking that if they just read, if they just watch, if they just buy, they'll learn the secret. But just like with achieving a breathtaking physique, making money online has no secrets. There's just common knowledge that most people seem to dislike.

However, I think there is another factor at work here. I think there really are secrets to getting fit, just like there are for making money online. What makes them so secret is that they're hiding in plain site. The knowledge is so apparently commonplace and straightforward that it is easily dismissed. People think, "It can't be that simple, can it?" and refuse to consider the true secrets to success. But now that we're no longer blind to the power of plain truths, we can benefit from them! So what did John Chow reveal?

Hiding in Plain Site Secret To Getting Fit:

"Eat less, workout more."

Hiding in Plain Site Secret To Making Money Online:

"Get traffic, optimize ads."

AHA!!! The Quickening empowers me! I know everything!! I am everything!!!

But wait… What are the secrets to getting traffic? What are the secrets to optimizing ads?

Well at least we've narrowed our focus. Traffic and ads, traffic and ads.