I just got this a little while ago.

Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:48:48 -0700
From: "Curtis Anthony" <anthony540099@charter.net>
Subject: PROPOSAL

DEAR FRIEND,
I HAVE A LUCRATIVE BUSINESS PROPOSAL THAT WORTH ABOUT £
9,500,000.00(Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand Pounds).
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR MORE INFORMATION.E-MAIL:
curtis_anthonyallen@hotmail.com
100% LEGAL!
REGARDS,
CURTIS S ANTHONY

[End Email]

Before I clicked on the message, all I saw was "Curtis Anthony — PROPOSAL." "Hmm, I wonder it could be? A business proposal, perhaps? Lucrative, maybe? Oh goody, oh goody, oh goody…"

"100% LEGAL!"

That's hilarious. I wasn't even wondering, "Is this legal?" That's like the kind of thing you have to say after explaining your million dollar idea to someone who has doubts.

"I don't know. Are you sure it's legal to transfer all those millions of dollars from those banks to your Swiss account?"

"Sure. In fact, it's One Hundred Percent legal!"

"Oh, ok then…If you say so…I'll go get my credit card…"

Recently I watched "Caddyshack." Again. That's why I stopped in the middle of a story I was reading about why kids curse at npr.org. I ran across the following line:

"Chevy Chase, Md., resident Sarah Pekkanen is…"

What's that? Chevy Chase is a city? No way! Is it named after the actor? Does he live there? Is it a joke written by the author of this article? Is it a mistake? What's happening???!!

So I looked it up, and found out at publicignoramus.blogspot.com that Chevy Chase the actor achieved his name through circumstances completely unrelated to the naming of Chevy Chase the town.

From the comments: "The town in Maryland's name came from a larger area called 'Cheivy Chace.' (the bank is named after the town). the actor's is a family nickname and refers to an ancestor who repelled an English invasion at the Battle of 'Cheviot Hills.'"

That's wild. The more you know…

I had signed up to test one of the stages of Google Labs recently. The option I chose was where you type something in, and Google shows a list of popular searches that contain what you've typed so far. I thought it was neat, but lost interest and opted out.

Well now that feature is permanent! Check it out.

**Update: Now that I've tried it in FireFox, it looks like it only works in IE.

I just read on Yahoo that people in their 40's with more belly fat than average have a far greater chance than average of getting Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia when they are older.

"It's not clear why abdominal fat would promote dementia, but it may pump out substances that harm the brain."

So, here's my theory on why excess fat in general is bad for your brain:

When you go hungry, your body says, "Holy crap! They're still not eating enough! We better make them smarter. Hey, Sam!"

"What?"

"Hold off on that dementia stuff, will ya?"

"What for?"

"Our body ain't gettin' no food, ya dummy!"

"Keep yer shert on, I'll hold off, I'll hold off…"

So the hungry person's body maintains the brain, in an effort to fix whatever the problem is that is causing the prolonged hunger.

Meanwhile, in coconut land, the fat cat king is lounging away, stuffing his face with Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

Body says, "Hey, this guy's got plenty of resources. We don't need to worry about his smarts. Heck, we don't even gotta try if we don't want to."

Sam goes to work dumping brainkiller chemicals into the bloodstream.

Fat cat king becomes demented. Thinks he's Batman. Goes nuts.

So, in conclusion, when you fool your body into thinking times are tough (by not eating too much), it may go into hyper mode, keeping you smarter. Of course, caloric restriction has been shown to provide this benefit, as well as increasing the lifespan.

But food…tastes…so…good…AARGHH! Dementia…

Oh no! I missed the deadline! Mr. Encami's going to kill me…!

From: "Mr. James Encami" <info@winecampus.org>
Subject: Dear Friend, Greetings!
Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:09:39 -0800

Dear Friend, Greetings!

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your of
$1,200.000.00 United States Dollars, but I did not hear from you since that time.

Then I went and deposited funds with a Security and Courier Company,
Lagos, Nigeria before I traveled out of the country for a 3 Months
Course and I will not come back till end of August. What you have to do
now is to contact the Security and Courier Company as soon as possible
to know when they will deliver your package to you. For your
information, I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium and
Clearance Certificate Fee. The only money you will send to the Courier &
Security Company to deliver your package direct to your postal Address in
your country is ($120.00 US) only being Security Keeping Fee of the
Courier Company so far.

Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except
$120.00 US Dollars. I would have paid that but they said no because they
don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have
to contact the Courier & Security Company now for the delivery of your
package with this information bellow;
Contact Person: Mr Tony Ije
Telephone:+234-805-653-5221
Email Address:tonyije01@yahoo.fr

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct
telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery
and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your
package over there and know when it will get to your address.

Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this
mail to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their
Security Keeping fee of $120.00 US Dollars for their immediate action.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. James Encami

[End Email]

This reminds me of one I got before. The old, "All I need is a small fee and you're on your way to riches!" Hmm…

Check it out, mang: <info@winecampus.org>

Isn't every campus a wine campus? Well… maybe not AAU. "There are 12 steps to getting your degree. Step 1: Admit you are powerless…" I have no power! He-man: I haaavve THE POOWWWEEEERRRRRR!!!! "You just don't get it, do you?"

Back to the email: "I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your of $1,200.000.00…"

Let's just adjust that a little: I have been waiting for you to contact me for your [BLANK] of $1.2 million.

What is the BLANK? Is it a gift? Reward? Compensation for past efforts (but alas, no results)? Punishment?

"You were bad. As penance, we sentence you to life as a wealthy person. Have fun saying "No," to all the woodwork gremlins. Watch their faces afterwards. Sneer away, you little devils!"

"Oh, can I have $140,000 to buy a new car? Please? I'm a vet! I was in Vietnam!"

"You're only 19."

"Hey, I don't need to take this from some…civilian!!" Sneer, sneer, sneer…

Why, Encami, why?? How dare you curse me to a life of undeserved luxury! You'll rue the day…

I got another verification email today. Too bad I don't bank with Wells Fargo! Ha ha!

From: "Wells Fargo Online" <online@online.com>
Subject: Your Account Suspension Notice…
Date: Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:03:48 -0800

Wells Fargo Online Banking Information verification

Dear Valued customer,

At Wells Fargo, our utmost concern is the security of our online banking users. In this effect,
we do proper verification on all transactions done on our secured online banking servers.

Several attempts to log on to your account were detected this morning and as a matter of our improved online banking
security measures, We have decided to temporarily suspend your online banking access.

You will not be able to access your online account unless you re-activate your online access but in order to do so,
you will have to confirm your details by Logging on to your account to complete the
verification process set out for you before we can retrieve your online access.

Please, Log on through our secure link below;

MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.dialogue-initiative.com" claiming to be https://online.wellsfargo.com/login?=ZXJyb3IudXNlcm5hbWVJbnZhbGlkRm9ybWF0 ….

We are indeed sorry for the inconveniencies we have caused you, but also remember that as a
Wells Fargo customer, your security remains our greatest priority.

Sincerely,

Account Security Dept.
Wells Fargo

Privacy & Security | Help
Secure Area
©2000 – 2007 Wells Fargo, Inc. All rights reserved.

[End Email]

From: "Wells Fargo Online" <online@online.com> Ooh, neat email…

"Several attempts to log on to your account were detected this morning"

Oh crap! That was me! And now they've shut my account down, all because I tried to use it within the scope of reason. Darn my intolerable expectation of normalcy! (I didn't really try to log on…I don't even have an account. I just wanted to make something clear. They didn't say several fraudulent attempts or several suspicious attempts or even several failed attempts. For all we know, those attempts were successful, and done by the account holder.)

How's this for a run-on sentence?:

"You will not be able to access your online account
unless you re-activate your online access
but in order to do so, you will have to confirm your details
by Logging on to your account
to complete the verification process set out for you
before we can retrieve your online access."

Sick!

"You will not be able to access your online account unless you re-activate your online access"

"If you do not learn to master your rage, your rage will become your master."

Yes! Mo' money mo' money mo' money! Boo-yah!!!!

From: "CHIEF ACCOUNTANT GENERAL."
Subject: YOUR COMPENSATION PAYMENT HAS BEEN APPROVED.
Date: Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:01:33 -0700

CHIEF ACCOUNTANT GENERAL OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
FROM DR. JAMES OBI
Federal Secretariat Towers (5th & 10th floors)
Shehu Shagari Way, Central Area, Garki,Abuja.

CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA COMPENSATION UNIT,IN AFFILIATION WITH THE
UNITED NATIONS.

Attn: Sir/Madam,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? You may
not understand why this mail came to you. I am Dr. James Obi, the Chief
Accountant General of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Due to series of petition received from International Bodies on the way
fraudsters around the world especially Nigerians defrauded them, the
Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria and my good self unbehalf of
the
Federal Government of Nigeria have been having a meeting with the
newly elected Secretary-General to the UNITED NATIONS,
Secretary-General
Ban Ki-moon for the past 10 days which ended 3 days ago.

Been the outcome of our meeting,we are sending this email to all the
people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED
NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$ 500, 000. 00
(Five
Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only). This includes every
foreign contractor that may have not received their contract sum and
people
that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses
that failed due to Government problems etc.

We found your name and email address on the List supplied to us by the
UNITED NATIONS and that is why we are contacting you.It has however
been agreed upon that you should be paid with immediate effect
following
the approval of your payment by the Central Bank of Nigeria in
aggreement with the UNITED NATION'S Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon.

You are advised to get back to us as soon as possible, to enable us
instruct the Central Bank of Nigeria which is the United Nation’s
Paying
Bank here in West Africa to pay you.

You may respond on the both email addresses given below:

accntantgen.j@gmail.com

accntantgen_j@mail.md

Congratulations!

Yours Faithfully

DR. JAMES OBI
Chief Accountant General (Federal Republic of Nigeria)
Central Area, Garki, Abuja.

[End Email]

Finally! Nigeria owns up to their problems and decides to provide a solution. I can't wait to spend my $500,000. I'll probably use it for my mortgage. But since the value of the dollar is going down, maybe I'll just buy a candy bar instead. Hmm… But then I won't have any money left!

"Due to series of petition received from International Bodies on the way fraudsters around the world especially Nigerians … to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US $500,000.00."

I wonder just how many people have been scammed by other emails, and are now getting this one and thinking, "Finally! Satisfaction!"

It's like a television show. And we've just now moved on to Part II, where some of the fraudsters admit to previous wrongdoing as a means to promote their current wrongdoings.

O brave new world that has such people in it!

I wrote this post.

The scraper site generated this post.

Here is a selection:

"Josh E Armstrong wrote an interesting post today on [Blank] Here’s a quick excerpt…"

Who is Josh E Armstrong?

Does not this scraper know?

Has he not been made aware?

That my one, true name is…

Stratovarius Megatrend!

I can't believe this. I read an article written by some Yahoo that popcorn contains an ingredient that can be extremely harmful when present in a large enough quantity.

"Diacetyl, a component of artificial butter flavoring, can cause a condition known as lymphocytic bronchiolitis," which can become life-threatening.

The FDA started an investigation last September because some dude out there in the "real" world was eating multiple bags of popcorn per day, and he unknowingly stumbled right into the trap.

The trap being that if you eat enough popcorn, you will get diacetyl disease.

Usually that condition is limited to popcorn package plant workers and lab rats. But some consumers (subconsciously) want in on the action too, and take it upon themselves to push the limits of physical and psychological endurance. "Let's see how many artificially-buttered, chemically-infused popcorn kernels I can ingest today. One… two… … two-hundred ninety eight… 299 ……… 6,473……*cough*cough*"

Sure, everything in moderation. And sure, who eats three bags of popcorn in a 24-hour period? (movie critics)

But seriously. Any kind of chemical that can be lethal or disease-causing in high doses should be eliminated from prepackaged food. Shouldn't it?

I got this a while ago. It had the Bank of America logo on it, too. It's funny when spammers send you messages from banks that you don't do business with. But like I wrote before, PayPal scams probably snare a lot more people than ones for older, physical banking institutions.

Just as a side note, I can't believe how close we are to doing all our business electronically. (Robot Voice:) "1500 credits have been automatically deducted from your account for the toll on this newly privatized road. Have – a – nice – day."

From: bankofamerica@security.com
Subject: Security Alert – Upgrade Your Personal Account Information .
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:23:22 +0100

WARNING !!
You must update
Your Account Immediately
Please Click Here

*Important*
Please update your records on or before 48 hours, a failure to update your records will result in a temporal hold on your funds.

Security Update Alert

Your primary Information for Bank of America Online Banking Need To Update.

var LetterVals = { UIStrings : { __last : 'not used' }, StateDynamic : true, yplus_browser : false, premium_user : false, smsintl : "", SidebarSyncActionType : "read", SidebarSyncAuxActionType : "", SidebarSyncUID : "4204", SidebarSyncAuxUID : "", getString : function(id) { var result = this.UIStrings[id]; if ( result == null ) { return "Not translated: '" + id + "'"; } return result; } } Bank Of America is constantly working to increase security for all Online Banking Customers . To ensure the integrity of our online payment system, we periodically review accounts.

Your account might be place on restricted status. Restricted accounts continue to receive payments, but they are limited in their ability to send or withdraw funds.

To lift up this restriction, you have to complete our verification process. You must confirm your credit card details and your billing information as well. All restricted accounts have their billing information unconfirmed, meaning that you may no longer send money from your account until you have updated your billing information on records. To initiate the update confirmation process

Please follow the link below and fill in the necessary requirements :

MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.museonoelkempff.org" claiming to be https://sitekey.bankofamerica.com/sas/signon.do

Thank you for your patience as we work together to protect your account.

——————————————————————————–

Because E-Mail Is Not A Secure Form Of Communication, This E-Mail Box Is Not Equipped To Handle Replies.
If you have any questions about your account or need assistance, please call the phone number on your statement or go to Contact Us.

——————————————————————————–

Bank of America , N.A. Member FDIC. Equal Housing Lender
2007 Bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved

[End Email]

I enjoy being alerted to deceptive links by MailScanner. But I don't think the Scanner was the reason for all that code near the top. I assume the scammer had a glitch in his system.

Or might it have been her system? I think the stereotypical computer user would be male, and the stereotypical criminal would be male. Therefore, the stereotypical computer criminal would be double-male? Making him female. No! Wait…