Remember a few years ago when computers used to shut down just to provoke us? I'm assuming your computer has gotten better. I know mine has.

I've seen clips of guys (from the '90's I assume) freaking out and trashing their monitors. It's like you're the king, and your messenger shows up during a crucial battle in World War -7, and he says, "We're losing!" And you say, "Execute the traitor!" It's not the messenger's fault… just like it's not the monitor's fault…

Anyway, I found a couple variations of a YTMND that seemed interesting, and they fit right in with this topic. The first one is the original. I think it's based on an old TV commercial. Make sure your volume isn't too high…

Mad Dad

Here's the second variant. I thought this version was outrageous:

Tech Support Is Not The Answer

You can see the father sulking over the computer on the right as the camera moves left to show the girl. So then when the father shows up from the left, it's like a completely different guy! Could he have called PC Express, and gotten the typically horrible service that many (most? [all?]) customers receive? Assuming the answer is yes, then he must have been so infuriated that he dedicated the rest of his life to inventing time travel.

Years later, at age 79, he's finally perfected his technology. He returns to the time after he got the run-around over the phone, and just after his younger self decided to invent time travel. Old version guy gives the technology to fed up young version guy.

Fed up young version guy then time jumps back to the moment just before his daughter originally suggested to her imaginary friend that her "Daddy needs to call PC Express." She goes ahead and delivers her suggestion. Fed up young version guy loses it and smacks his daughter with the keyboard. Her head falls off easily. …Too easily.

Fed up young version guy didn't manage to prevent the girl from sharing her idea, but he did uncover the sinister truth. That she is a robot infiltrator sent by PC Express! Fed up young version guy teams up with his slightly younger (and slightly less fed up) counterpart, and they use the power of time travel to erase PC Express from existence. (I've never heard of it, have you?)

The only evidence of these events are the two YTMNDs and a small handful of other web media…

This is another YTMND that I thought was interesting. Check it out.

Someone took The Enchantment Under the Sea Dance scene from "Back to the Future" and edited it to change the part where Marty goes nuts on the guitar. Instead of hearing what he originally plays, you hear the end of an intense song called "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce, an English power metal band.

I mean, this song is nuts! And to imagine Marty playing that instead… it's mind blowing. It makes perfect sense for Strickland to cover his ears.

I can only imagine how you'd feel if you were there living in 1955, and all of a sudden some psycho with a guitar loses it and plays something too wild to comprehend.

You might say, "He's in league with Lucifer!!"

This freaked me out the first time I heard.

Back in 1989, a week before Halloween, Jim Davis began a short storyline in which Garfield discovered himself all alone in a dark, deserted house. No one had been in that house for years. So what was going on?

There were 6 separate strips in this story line. Check them out:
10-23-1989
10-24-1989
10-25-1989
10-26-1989
10-27-1989
10-28-1989

Wikipedia says that among the theories regarding the meaning of these strips, there's the possibility that "Garfield was either dead or starving to death in an abandoned house, imagining future strips in a state of denial."

Evidence supporting the idea that Garfield is dead and imagining current strips (and all others subsequent to October 28, 1989) in a state of denial:

• October 27, 1989 – During Garfield's odd experience, he suddenly sees Jon and Odie. Jon offers Garfield food. Jon disappears. If Garfield imagined Jon then, he could have gotten much better at imagining things. Maybe he could imagine his whole life.

• October 27, 1989 – Caption: "Locked fast within a time when he no longer exists, Garfield grapples with his greatest fear… loneliness." How is he locked within this time? Two possibilities. Either he is imagining it (like in a dream), or it is real. If it is a dream, and he can't wake up, he's locked in. If it's real, and he can't change things (i.e., go back in time to when he was alive and when Jon still lived in the house), he's locked in. So the caption doesn't definitively specify one way or another (dream or reality), but it does leave room for the possibility that Garfield really is dead.
• October 28, 1989 – Caption: "After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called 'time.' He has only one weapon… denial." Maybe some of those years (the ones leading up to 1989) were also denial of his death. He "woke up" to reality for a few moments, realized the truth, and quickly dove back in to his make-believe world, using denial to shelter himself.
• October 28, 1989 – Garfield says, "I don't want to be alone," and immediately Jon and Odie appear. Garfield is in the same position he was in the "Dead Garfield" reality. His arms were raised. If he had been sleeping, he likely wouldn't have been on the counter. He'd have been in his bed box. He'd have woken up, and still have been tucked in. So if the "Dead Garfield" reality was part of a dream, and Jon and Odie are part of Garfield's reality, then Garfield experienced that dream while moving around on the counter. That is unusual. Jon greets him with, "Want some breakfast, Garfield?" That is just like before, when he offered some food and then faded away. It seems like Garfield could very likely be imagining this resolution out of desperation.
• October 28, 1989 – Caption: "An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice … or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today…END." The use of the ellipsis at the end seems to denote a "loose end." Does this caption mean that Garfield used his powerful imagination to paint a vivid future of things to be, and that future was terrifying? Or did it mean that he has finally woken up to the truth, that he is really dead, and will from now on use his powerful imagination to shade his perceptions of the present, so as to (re)create an imaginary and comforting home in place of a dark, abandoned house in which his spirit is locked?

I like Garfield. I think he's alive. And Wikipedia says, "Jim Davis is reported to have actually 'laughed loudly' when informed of these rumors circulating on the internet."

But I think that this short storyline was created, maybe accidentally, to show two separate realities, both equally possible. In Reality #1 (the commonly accepted reality), Garfield is alive. So whatever he experienced between October 23 and 28, 1989 was just imagined, and provided him with a life lesson regarding appreciation and not taking things for granted. In Reality #2 (the alternate reality), Garfield is dead, and perhaps was dead before October 23, 1989. Some of the strips prior to 1989 and all of them following that year have been imagined by Garfield out of desperation, in denial of his unfortunate circumstances. In Reality #2, Garfield is possibly haunting Jon's old house, moving around while acting out his imagined life.

This situation is just like Total Recall, where the director made the film so that you never know whether Arnold is dreaming or awake. Most people think it was all real, because Arnold's an action hero, and making it into a dream would invalidate his heroics. I too like to think it was real. But there are 3 distinct realities presented in that film. The first, he's really a secret agent, and the memory implant of a vacation to Mars (where he would have been a secret agent) was coincidence, and never given to him. In the second reality, he did receive the implant, and had a schizoid embolism followed by a free-form delusion. After a certain point in the movie, he was making up the adventure as he went along, and was lobotomized at the very end of the film (the white light when he kisses Melina). The third possibility is that the memory implant worked perfectly, and everything, all the doubts and confusion, was simply built in to make his adventure seem more convincing. After all, he paid good money for that memory implant!

This also happened in the TV shows "Smallville" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Both series each featured an episode in which the main character of the show wakes up in an insane asylum and is told that his/her adventures are all part of an ongoing delusion. I believe both episodes ended by leaving the question up in the air as to whether or not the entire series was a part of one big delusion.

So it does seem possible that Garfield could be dead…

But everybody loves Garfield!

Nigeria yet again…

From: adamuisa@switched.com
Subject: PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS
Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2008 02:27:11 +0100

OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
Tinubu square, Lagos- Nigeria.
Our ref: Cbn/Ohg/Oxd1/2008
Your ref: ………………………….
Telex: Cenbank.
Payment file: Cbn/Ben/08.

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS.

Attn: Beneficiary,

Hello. We have decided to bring to your attention, the fact that we
have done everything necessary to make sure payments from the debt
remittance account are made to the Bonafide Beneficiaries. I am informing you
of an attempt by some men to collectyour payment on your behalf. I had
to ask them why they came to see me in person and they said that they
came to collect your inheritance/contract funds payment sum of $20M
which rightfully belongs to you as shown in your file with us, on your
behalf and by your authorization.

However, I am writing you this email to find out from you if you
actually sent them. Note that they actually tendered some vital documents
which proved that you actually sent them to collect these funds. Below is
the list of documents which they presented.

1) Letter of administration
2) Order to release
3) High court injunction

Due to the nature of my job, I cannot afford to make any mistake
inreleasing the funds to anyone except you who is the recognized and true
beneficiary to these funds.I want to hear from you before I order the
release of the funds to these men who claim to be your representatives
because they will be back to my office next week. I decided to carry out
this decision based on my work experience and this is a risk I cannot
take because I have not heard anything from you.

Kindly direct your response to the private email address of my
boss,Prof. Charles Soludo, the executive governor of the central bank of
Nigeria Cbn, below for quicker deliberation and response from him on the
release of your funds to you. Please remember to indicate your personal
phonenumber he can reach you on in your response.

Email: prof_c_charlessoludo@myway.com

Note that for security reasons you have been assigned a code/password
which is {TT7270CBN}, please note that this code is the reference number
for your transfer and it’s being disclosed to you alone, guard this
jealously and all your email response should carry this code as the
subject.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Adamu Isa

Secretary.
To the Governor.
Central bank of Nigeria
Tinubu square, Lagos- Nigeria.

CC: SENATE COMMITTEE ON FINANCE

[End Email]

This message is a bit similar to ATM FROM CBN, and both invoke the name Soludo. That CBN one only offered $10 million, though. I guess they upped the ante to compensate for our Cadbury-killing weak dollar.

Can you imagine if any of these messages were real? If you suddenly became $10 or $20 million richer? You could kick back! A whole new set of shiny worries…

I'll bet that whoever falls for these scams does indeed imagine the possibilities. Too bad experiencing that pleasant dream is just another step in the scheme.

AAH!! No more YTMND! Sure, I just started mentioning it, but if you visit the homepage, you'll see that the site is closing. Or could this be some kind of…………prank? I guess we'll never know for sure, because the world ends at midnight!

***Update: It looks like the cover page that was up earlier has been taken down, but the official news of the site still says everything's over. So I guess that's it…

This Easter, when I finally got my hands on a box of 4 delicious Cadbury Creme Eggs, something strange happened. I opened up the box and removed the first egg, and paused. "Weren't they supposed to be bigger?" I thought. "Like the size of a normal egg? An average chicken egg?" Desperate to alleviate the doubt and get back into the swing of enjoyment, I quickly rationalized that "They must have always been this way," and "Maybe this is like when Robin Williams felt like Neverland was smaller upon returning as an adult in 'Hook.'"

So, ok, shrug it off, nothing to worry about. I did exactly what we all yell at the people in the movies not to do. You're a character in the movie, minding the Wal-Mart. Greeting the customers. "Hello, welcome to Wal-mart. Hi there, welcome to Wal-mart." Double take. Thinking, "Say, did that guy come in with a chain saw? …Nah."

Five minutes later your lifeless corpse rests on the floor, bathed in a pool of your own blood!!! All because you lived in denial of the truth! A truth that is reluctantly revealed…

Turns out a celebrity with an obsession even greater than mine for Cadbury Creme Eggs has been keeping score, and set the record straight on national television that there had indeed been a cover up, and it goes all the way to the top.

Wikipedia has another piece of the puzzle regarding the Eggs, saying that "before 2006 they are listed with a weight of 39 grams, while today they are listed at 34 grams."

Did you hear about the Wii? I read that the reason there was a shortage in the U.S. was the weakness of our dollar. It was more profitable to provide Europe with an abundance of Wiis than to correct the U.S. shortage, at least until now. Finally European demand has calmed down enough to justify increasing the U.S. supply.

So what happened? The U.S. dollar was weak. The Euro was strong. Nintendo could have jacked up the prices in the U.S., but instead they diverted their product elsewhere.

Could this be what happened with the Cadbury Creme Egg? I think so.

A lot of people have mentioned the page on the Cadbury site that told the lie of "You're just getting bigger!" Near the bottom of this page is the list of FAQs that has been referenced, which has since been corrected to cover up the overt misguidance of the masses. As of Monday, March 31, 2008, the relevant Q & A reads:

So, Cadbury Schweppes calls up its little buddy Hershey in the U.S. "Your dollar has decreased in value. We will give you two options. Your Cadbury Creme Egg can remain the same size as it's always been, but it will cost you more from now on. Or, you can continue paying the old rate, and we'll simply reduce the size of your eggs by 13%, from 39 grams to 34."

Hershey's deliberates. "Option number 2," comes their reply.

The smaller Eggs are put into production, and a few disappointed consumers send in emails requesting an explanation. Cadbury Schweppes pretends everything is right as rain. Acid rain.

They never thought someone would get wise. "Most people are too stupid to think for themselves, and will accept the first decent-sounding explanation as fact. We'll just say the perceived Egg shrinkage is really caused by them growing up! Mwa Ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha!"

So, how does this country's President tie in to all of this? Let's look at the steps it took for us to get here…

1. Bush mismanages the U.S. economy

2. U.S. Dollar weakens
3. Cadbury Schweppes starts losing money in the U.S.
4. Cadbury Schweppes issues Hershey's its ultimatum
5. Hershey's chooses to buy smaller Cadbury Creme Eggs
6. Cadbury Schweppes deceives the American public as it pretends the Eggs have always been small
7. B.J. Novak retrieves an old 39 gram egg and goes on national television
8. Cadbury Schweppes changes its story after the fact and apologizes "for any confusion or misleading information."

I don't like being lied to, but here's a thought. If this lie happened, and was found out, there are probably a lot of other lies that nobody knows about. We must live in a world full of lies, and most people just don't think or worry about it. Some might even feel motivated to comment and provide their own personal justification in favor of those lies.

I don't really blame the President. I blame Hershey's and especially Cadbury Schweppes. I wish they would have just jacked up the price and kept the Egg the same size. At least then the unfortunate changes would have been out in the open from the beginning.

During the past couple of weeks, I have encountered various Easter items that seem to want to be the Cadbury Creme Egg. Everybody wants to be like Mike.

A. Cadbury Carmel Egg — Totally different candy experience from the Creme Egg. The carmel inside is pure, no coloring or whatever to make it seem like a real egg filling. The carmel tastes almost smoky. I've definitely had better chocolate-covered carmels.

2. Snickers Creme Sports Eggs – Shaped like a Cadbury Egg, but sliced down the middle, producing one egg-shaped side and one flat side. Unwrap two, put them together, and you've got a whole egg. The outside is chocolate, the inside is pretty much snickers filling. Didn't taste anything like a Cadbury Egg, but it was still fantastic. Carmel, peanut-buttery flavor, and chocolate.

D. Hershey's Kisses Brand Milk Chocolates filled with Vanilla Creme – The inside reminds me of the Cadbury Creme Egg filling. It tastes a bit similar. Not quite the same, but could be a good alternative for when the store sells out of Cadbury. As an added bonus, you get a bunch of them in a single package. Once you open it, you can pop them in your mouth one after another. Since they're smaller than a typical Cadbury Egg, you might get more satisfaction by having 2 or 3.

I recently visited YTMND.com, and I wanted to share a few politically-themed creations with you. These are my favorites:

(OK) Hillary cant stop Barack – He's a Rock

(WILD) Hillary's a Maniac – A Crazy Dance

(AWESOME) Race to the White House – Obama vs. McCain

And this one I just think is nuts:

The Democratic Destruction – The Last Crusade

Did you see Obama's face at the end? That was unreal!

I missed it! I missed the deadline… missed it… missed it bad… just 48 hours… so close yet so far! Darn it all to Heck!

From: "Bonanza Lottery International" <prize@bonanzalotteryinternational.com>
Subject: RE: FINAL AWARD NOTIFICATION.
Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2008 06:11:46 +0100

FROM: THE DESK OF THE MANAGER,
BONANAZA LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
REF NO: 15/0018/IPD
BATCH NO: EGS/ 22504002/06.

ATTN: WINNER,

RE: FINAL AWARD NOTIFICATION.

We are pleased to inform you, that as a result of our RECENT LOTTERY
DRAWS HELD on the 9th of February 2008.Your e-mail address attached to
ticket number:085-12876077-09 with serial number:51390-0 drew lucky
numbers:03-05-12-14-38 which consequently won in the 5th category you have
therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of (ONE MILLION U.S DOLLARS)
in cash credited to file with. REF: s.EGS/3662367114/13.Note that all
participants in this lottery program have been selected randomly through
a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 Officials and
30,000,000 individual email addresses from all search engines and web
sites,from Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, North and South America, Middle
East and Africa, as part of our International Promotions Program. This
promotional program takes place every year,and is promoted and
sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei,Bill Gates of
microsoft inc and other corporate organizations.This is to encourage !
the use of the internet and comput

Your fund is now deposited with BANK and insured For security purpose
and clarity,we advise that you keep your winning information
confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to your
account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claims
and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

We look forward to your active participation in our next 4 million
dollars slot. To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact your
claims processing officer through via e-mail as stated below:

NAME:MR.CHARLES LLOYD
Tel: 44(0)7024013010
Email: admin@bonanzalotteryinternational.com

When you contact him, please provide him with your secret BATCH
NO,SERIAL NO.
You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information
as soon as possible:
1. Names in full
2. Address
3. Nationality
4. Age
5. Occupation
6. Phone/Fax

All winnings must be claimed not later than one month After the date of
this notice.Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and
complications,remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in
all correspondence. Furthermore,should there be any change of address
do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations!!! once more
and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Sincerely,

Ashley Cole
Manager, lotto draw team
Bonanza International lottery.

[End Email]

Hilarious:

"This
promotional program takes place every year,and is promoted and
sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei,Bill Gates of
microsoft inc and other corporate organizations.This is to encourage !
the use of the internet and comput"

It just cuts off. It reminds me of that clip where Bill Gates is on stage with a product developer and the guy's showing the latest computer and operating system to Bill and everyone. Then the Blue Screen of Death pops up and the guy quickly closes the laptop. All Bill can do is smile…

"For security purpose
and clarity,we advise that you keep your winning information
confidential until…"

Sure, sure. Tell no one. "You got that, punk?! You tell someone about this email message and so help me, I'll rip your– winning lottery ticket up… And you won't…get… the money. Ok?"

No! Tell the authorities! Run home! Run as fast as you can!!

{Six Million Dollar Man Sound Effects}

Hmm… Instead of telling me I'm going to be rich, this email is telling me to buy watches online… Hmm…

From: "LanaGoodspeed588514" <LanaGoodspeed588514@hotmail.com>
Subject: FWD: March Specials
Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:26:08 -0400

Buy Replica Watches Online!

At our watch shop, we have been supplying top-quality, high-grade
replica watches to satisfied customers for close to 8 years now. We provide
our customers with an extremely reliable, affordable and accessible
source to these quality items, which provide the same attention-grabbing
benefits of the genuine articles that cost many times more. We are
constantly seeking to better understand the needs of our customers, and to
update our product selection so as to better serve our customers.

http://www.pirrafe.com

[End Email]

I cautiously visited the site, and what do you know, it looks like any ordinary business. But what kind of name is pirrafe? Like giraffe?

A Google search for pirrafe.com brings up one result, for parafe.com. Looks like some kind of vacation site.

A Google search for piraffe.com brings up one result, for praffe.com. "24kt Genuine Italian Snakeskin Bracelets and Leather Cuffs."

Weird. I guess some computer somewhere went crazy!

Here's a completely unrelated thought. Today it occurred to me that each time I post one of these spam messages, I am also posting the email of the supposed sender. Email addresses in plain sight on the web are often harvested by bots for spam purposes. So, am I facilitating an influx of spam for the spammers?

They probably have better spam protection than the rest, seeing as how they're the perpetrators!