The other day, a friend of mine remarked how he'd found a high-quality repair service through a business he'd had dealings with in the past. The business, when asked who they used for repairs, quickly and kindly replied with the truth. The referral was of high quality, because it was based on legitimate experience.

But on the internet, and elsewhere, scores of individuals and groups are being convinced that it is in their best interest to refer people to the highest bidders. The arena of friendly information exchange has become Kickback City.

"Hey Hans, who cleans the Nakatomi Plaza?"

"Oh, my buddies in the Asian Dawn, of course."

"Great, thanks, I'll hire them to clean my place."

Vs.

"Hey Roy, where are the freshest Twinkies sold?"

"Not here, pal."

"Good to know. Thanks, you just saved me a few bucks."

"Try that place up the street, I've had good dealings there."

"Will do."

I'm sure there are people who, because they simply haven't found a way to monetize their advice, offer up the truth freely. But so many others are fine with spreading virtual lies…

I know who I'm investing in…

From: "veforipy45606" <veforipy45606@hotmail.com>
To: 2santafe@microdsi.net
Subject: The company has real clients and income stream.
Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:28:33 -0400

We have not said much in the last few weeks. We have not seen anything
of intrest. This one looks like it will be strong and steady mover.
With the new company Leadership and up and comming contracts. We feel
comforatble to bring QRVI to you.

Not all our picks will do as our last few with all climbing over 100%
in the first 5 days after our pick. But we do expect big things from
this Company.

Please take the time to do your research on this Company. Everything we
found looks like it will breakout anytime. The recent new is good but
we expect bigger things to come soon.

Quality Restaurant Ventures, Inc
QRVS
April 25: 3.90

Quality Restaurant Ventures, Inc., announced that its Board of
Directors has approved Tim Murray as the new President of QRVI. The
announcement follows several months of financial and operational reorganization.
The board has also given Murray, along with Peter Brown, President of
Obee's Franchise Systems, Inc., a seat on QRVI's Board of Directors.

Quality Restaurant Ventures Inc. announced today that a new co-branded
Sobik?s - Wing Way restaurant recently opened in Central Florida. This
is the first location that will serve both the Sobik?s and Wing Way
menus starting from opening day.

Quality Restaurant Ventures Inc. announced today it has now opened a
new Wing Way location in Central Florida . As with the company?s first
Wing Way restaurant, the new store is also co-branded with an existing
Sobik?s Subs location.

Quality Restaurant Ventures Inc. announced today that it is now
preparing to open four new locations of it?s recently announced
WING WAY fast-casual restaurant concept. The new Wing Ways will be
co-branded with existing Sobik?s Sub?s locations in Central Florida.

[End Email]

I know those question marks are just glitches, but they really give the second half of the email a feel of doubt, of question.

Gotta love that opening paragraph:
"…not seen anything of intrest…new company Leadership and up and comming contracts. We feel comforatble…"

With such a relaxed attitude toward spelling, I feel comforatble too!

"We have not said much in the last few weeks." Could that be true? Could the stock market spammers have taken a break in light of the craziness of our economy? Hmm…

I wonder who 2santafe@microdsi.net is? Maybe if you send an email there, it gets forwarded to tons of other accounts… If that were the case, then anyone could send out thousands of spam messages just by clicking "Send" once… And then off to jail with them!

"Please take the time to do your research on this Company." Totally cliché. "Wow, gee, if it requires research, forget that, I'll just take their word for it. Hyuh hyah, I'm brilliant!"

Nigeria yet again…

From: adamuisa@switched.com
Subject: PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS
Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2008 02:27:11 +0100

OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR.
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
Tinubu square, Lagos- Nigeria.
Our ref: Cbn/Ohg/Oxd1/2008
Your ref: ………………………….
Telex: Cenbank.
Payment file: Cbn/Ben/08.

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF YOUR FUNDS.

Attn: Beneficiary,

Hello. We have decided to bring to your attention, the fact that we
have done everything necessary to make sure payments from the debt
remittance account are made to the Bonafide Beneficiaries. I am informing you
of an attempt by some men to collectyour payment on your behalf. I had
to ask them why they came to see me in person and they said that they
came to collect your inheritance/contract funds payment sum of $20M
which rightfully belongs to you as shown in your file with us, on your
behalf and by your authorization.

However, I am writing you this email to find out from you if you
actually sent them. Note that they actually tendered some vital documents
which proved that you actually sent them to collect these funds. Below is
the list of documents which they presented.

1) Letter of administration
2) Order to release
3) High court injunction

Due to the nature of my job, I cannot afford to make any mistake
inreleasing the funds to anyone except you who is the recognized and true
beneficiary to these funds.I want to hear from you before I order the
release of the funds to these men who claim to be your representatives
because they will be back to my office next week. I decided to carry out
this decision based on my work experience and this is a risk I cannot
take because I have not heard anything from you.

Kindly direct your response to the private email address of my
boss,Prof. Charles Soludo, the executive governor of the central bank of
Nigeria Cbn, below for quicker deliberation and response from him on the
release of your funds to you. Please remember to indicate your personal
phonenumber he can reach you on in your response.

Email: prof_c_charlessoludo@myway.com

Note that for security reasons you have been assigned a code/password
which is {TT7270CBN}, please note that this code is the reference number
for your transfer and it’s being disclosed to you alone, guard this
jealously and all your email response should carry this code as the
subject.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Adamu Isa

Secretary.
To the Governor.
Central bank of Nigeria
Tinubu square, Lagos- Nigeria.

CC: SENATE COMMITTEE ON FINANCE

[End Email]

This message is a bit similar to ATM FROM CBN, and both invoke the name Soludo. That CBN one only offered $10 million, though. I guess they upped the ante to compensate for our Cadbury-killing weak dollar.

Can you imagine if any of these messages were real? If you suddenly became $10 or $20 million richer? You could kick back! A whole new set of shiny worries…

I'll bet that whoever falls for these scams does indeed imagine the possibilities. Too bad experiencing that pleasant dream is just another step in the scheme.

This Easter, when I finally got my hands on a box of 4 delicious Cadbury Creme Eggs, something strange happened. I opened up the box and removed the first egg, and paused. "Weren't they supposed to be bigger?" I thought. "Like the size of a normal egg? An average chicken egg?" Desperate to alleviate the doubt and get back into the swing of enjoyment, I quickly rationalized that "They must have always been this way," and "Maybe this is like when Robin Williams felt like Neverland was smaller upon returning as an adult in 'Hook.'"

So, ok, shrug it off, nothing to worry about. I did exactly what we all yell at the people in the movies not to do. You're a character in the movie, minding the Wal-Mart. Greeting the customers. "Hello, welcome to Wal-mart. Hi there, welcome to Wal-mart." Double take. Thinking, "Say, did that guy come in with a chain saw? …Nah."

Five minutes later your lifeless corpse rests on the floor, bathed in a pool of your own blood!!! All because you lived in denial of the truth! A truth that is reluctantly revealed…

Turns out a celebrity with an obsession even greater than mine for Cadbury Creme Eggs has been keeping score, and set the record straight on national television that there had indeed been a cover up, and it goes all the way to the top.

Wikipedia has another piece of the puzzle regarding the Eggs, saying that "before 2006 they are listed with a weight of 39 grams, while today they are listed at 34 grams."

Did you hear about the Wii? I read that the reason there was a shortage in the U.S. was the weakness of our dollar. It was more profitable to provide Europe with an abundance of Wiis than to correct the U.S. shortage, at least until now. Finally European demand has calmed down enough to justify increasing the U.S. supply.

So what happened? The U.S. dollar was weak. The Euro was strong. Nintendo could have jacked up the prices in the U.S., but instead they diverted their product elsewhere.

Could this be what happened with the Cadbury Creme Egg? I think so.

A lot of people have mentioned the page on the Cadbury site that told the lie of "You're just getting bigger!" Near the bottom of this page is the list of FAQs that has been referenced, which has since been corrected to cover up the overt misguidance of the masses. As of Monday, March 31, 2008, the relevant Q & A reads:

So, Cadbury Schweppes calls up its little buddy Hershey in the U.S. "Your dollar has decreased in value. We will give you two options. Your Cadbury Creme Egg can remain the same size as it's always been, but it will cost you more from now on. Or, you can continue paying the old rate, and we'll simply reduce the size of your eggs by 13%, from 39 grams to 34."

Hershey's deliberates. "Option number 2," comes their reply.

The smaller Eggs are put into production, and a few disappointed consumers send in emails requesting an explanation. Cadbury Schweppes pretends everything is right as rain. Acid rain.

They never thought someone would get wise. "Most people are too stupid to think for themselves, and will accept the first decent-sounding explanation as fact. We'll just say the perceived Egg shrinkage is really caused by them growing up! Mwa Ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha!"

So, how does this country's President tie in to all of this? Let's look at the steps it took for us to get here…

1. Bush mismanages the U.S. economy

2. U.S. Dollar weakens
3. Cadbury Schweppes starts losing money in the U.S.
4. Cadbury Schweppes issues Hershey's its ultimatum
5. Hershey's chooses to buy smaller Cadbury Creme Eggs
6. Cadbury Schweppes deceives the American public as it pretends the Eggs have always been small
7. B.J. Novak retrieves an old 39 gram egg and goes on national television
8. Cadbury Schweppes changes its story after the fact and apologizes "for any confusion or misleading information."

I don't like being lied to, but here's a thought. If this lie happened, and was found out, there are probably a lot of other lies that nobody knows about. We must live in a world full of lies, and most people just don't think or worry about it. Some might even feel motivated to comment and provide their own personal justification in favor of those lies.

I don't really blame the President. I blame Hershey's and especially Cadbury Schweppes. I wish they would have just jacked up the price and kept the Egg the same size. At least then the unfortunate changes would have been out in the open from the beginning.

I don't remember a lot about this commercial. I think the reason is whenever I saw it, I either muted it or changed the channel.

Some kid and his father are sitting somewhere eating burgers. The kids says, "So Dad, did you know that [So and So Burger Company] [blah blah] with the meat in these burgers? And, did you know…"

I'm not sure what the specifics were. But I do remember the gist. The kid was a corporate shill, hired to convince his Dad that going on a diet was wrong, and he should eat more burgers.

That ad has a hidden Part II that nobody knows about, set outside, a few years after Part I. In it, the father clutches at his chest, and falls to his knees. Burger wrappers waft by in the breeze. The son watches the life drain from his father. It starts to rain. The son pulls an umbrella out and opens it. A man in a black trench coat approaches, and hands the kid a big yellow envelope. The kid opens it. There's money inside.

That's the vibe I got from the initial ad. It seems incredibly blasphemous, in a family sense. I mean, we've all heard about "Super Size Me." We all know that fast food is bad. And here some kid comes spouting off corporate brainwashing info to his Dad. "So Dad, let me enlighten you. Eating fast food isn't bad at all. Your doctor was wrong about your cholesterol, too. Live large!"

It sickens me. And not because I'm against burgers. I like burgers. It's just one of those ads where they try and pass off something completely wrong and unrealistic as casual and good. Maybe someone will comment in defense of it. That just makes it worse, because they've already gotten to you!

I missed it! I missed the deadline… missed it… missed it bad… just 48 hours… so close yet so far! Darn it all to Heck!

From: "Bonanza Lottery International" <prize@bonanzalotteryinternational.com>
Subject: RE: FINAL AWARD NOTIFICATION.
Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2008 06:11:46 +0100

FROM: THE DESK OF THE MANAGER,
BONANAZA LOTTERY INTERNATIONAL/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT.
REF NO: 15/0018/IPD
BATCH NO: EGS/ 22504002/06.

ATTN: WINNER,

RE: FINAL AWARD NOTIFICATION.

We are pleased to inform you, that as a result of our RECENT LOTTERY
DRAWS HELD on the 9th of February 2008.Your e-mail address attached to
ticket number:085-12876077-09 with serial number:51390-0 drew lucky
numbers:03-05-12-14-38 which consequently won in the 5th category you have
therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of (ONE MILLION U.S DOLLARS)
in cash credited to file with. REF: s.EGS/3662367114/13.Note that all
participants in this lottery program have been selected randomly through
a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 Officials and
30,000,000 individual email addresses from all search engines and web
sites,from Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, North and South America, Middle
East and Africa, as part of our International Promotions Program. This
promotional program takes place every year,and is promoted and
sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei,Bill Gates of
microsoft inc and other corporate organizations.This is to encourage !
the use of the internet and comput

Your fund is now deposited with BANK and insured For security purpose
and clarity,we advise that you keep your winning information
confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to your
account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claims
and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

We look forward to your active participation in our next 4 million
dollars slot. To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact your
claims processing officer through via e-mail as stated below:

NAME:MR.CHARLES LLOYD
Tel: 44(0)7024013010
Email: admin@bonanzalotteryinternational.com

When you contact him, please provide him with your secret BATCH
NO,SERIAL NO.
You are also advised to provide him with the under listed information
as soon as possible:
1. Names in full
2. Address
3. Nationality
4. Age
5. Occupation
6. Phone/Fax

All winnings must be claimed not later than one month After the date of
this notice.Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and
complications,remember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in
all correspondence. Furthermore,should there be any change of address
do inform our agent as soon as possible. Congratulations!!! once more
and thank you for being part of our promotional program.

Sincerely,

Ashley Cole
Manager, lotto draw team
Bonanza International lottery.

[End Email]

Hilarious:

"This
promotional program takes place every year,and is promoted and
sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei,Bill Gates of
microsoft inc and other corporate organizations.This is to encourage !
the use of the internet and comput"

It just cuts off. It reminds me of that clip where Bill Gates is on stage with a product developer and the guy's showing the latest computer and operating system to Bill and everyone. Then the Blue Screen of Death pops up and the guy quickly closes the laptop. All Bill can do is smile…

"For security purpose
and clarity,we advise that you keep your winning information
confidential until…"

Sure, sure. Tell no one. "You got that, punk?! You tell someone about this email message and so help me, I'll rip your– winning lottery ticket up… And you won't…get… the money. Ok?"

No! Tell the authorities! Run home! Run as fast as you can!!

{Six Million Dollar Man Sound Effects}

Hmm… Instead of telling me I'm going to be rich, this email is telling me to buy watches online… Hmm…

From: "LanaGoodspeed588514" <LanaGoodspeed588514@hotmail.com>
Subject: FWD: March Specials
Date: Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:26:08 -0400

Buy Replica Watches Online!

At our watch shop, we have been supplying top-quality, high-grade
replica watches to satisfied customers for close to 8 years now. We provide
our customers with an extremely reliable, affordable and accessible
source to these quality items, which provide the same attention-grabbing
benefits of the genuine articles that cost many times more. We are
constantly seeking to better understand the needs of our customers, and to
update our product selection so as to better serve our customers.

http://www.pirrafe.com

[End Email]

I cautiously visited the site, and what do you know, it looks like any ordinary business. But what kind of name is pirrafe? Like giraffe?

A Google search for pirrafe.com brings up one result, for parafe.com. Looks like some kind of vacation site.

A Google search for piraffe.com brings up one result, for praffe.com. "24kt Genuine Italian Snakeskin Bracelets and Leather Cuffs."

Weird. I guess some computer somewhere went crazy!

Here's a completely unrelated thought. Today it occurred to me that each time I post one of these spam messages, I am also posting the email of the supposed sender. Email addresses in plain sight on the web are often harvested by bots for spam purposes. So, am I facilitating an influx of spam for the spammers?

They probably have better spam protection than the rest, seeing as how they're the perpetrators!

I just read on Yahoo that Leilani and Dale Neumann of Wesont, Wisconsin are to blame in the death of their daughter Madeline. Her death was caused by "diabetic ketoacidosis, a condition that left too little insulin in her body."

When the girl was in the early stages of sickness, her parents decided to pray. They believe healing comes from God. The girl's aunt revealed that the option of taking her to a hospital had come up, but the mother had refused.

After the girl died, an investigation began. "Leilani Neumann said she and her husband are not worried about the investigation because 'our lives are in God's hands. We know we did not do anything criminal. We know we did the best for our daughter we knew how to do.'"

The best they could have done was take her to the hospital and pray. They knew how to do that.

Initially, when I'd only seen the headline link to the article, I assumed it was only in the news to further propagate the notion that individual rights need to be limited. Like, "Look what these idiots did. Let's have the state run things, ok?" Then your parents, friends, and spouse wouldn't have any say about taking you off life support or saving you from suicide or administering common sense medical treatment. It would all be up to the state.

But once I read the article, it really seems like there are circumstances where a child's life is put at risk for the wrong reasons.

What if the parents were using religion to justify a completely different belief system? What if they want low-maintenance children? I mean, what if they want to produce offspring that are self-sufficient to the point where the don't get sick and never need medical attention? It seems like leaving it "in God's hands" is a way to allow evolution and natural selection to run their course. When that happens, only the strong survive.

But really, it just seems stupid to ignore the whole idea of, "God helps those who help themselves," especially when we've got a decent grasp of the whole "medicine" thing.

I just got this a little while ago.

Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2008 15:48:48 -0700
From: "Curtis Anthony" <anthony540099@charter.net>
Subject: PROPOSAL

DEAR FRIEND,
I HAVE A LUCRATIVE BUSINESS PROPOSAL THAT WORTH ABOUT £
9,500,000.00(Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand Pounds).
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR MORE INFORMATION.E-MAIL:
curtis_anthonyallen@hotmail.com
100% LEGAL!
REGARDS,
CURTIS S ANTHONY

[End Email]

Before I clicked on the message, all I saw was "Curtis Anthony — PROPOSAL." "Hmm, I wonder it could be? A business proposal, perhaps? Lucrative, maybe? Oh goody, oh goody, oh goody…"

"100% LEGAL!"

That's hilarious. I wasn't even wondering, "Is this legal?" That's like the kind of thing you have to say after explaining your million dollar idea to someone who has doubts.

"I don't know. Are you sure it's legal to transfer all those millions of dollars from those banks to your Swiss account?"

"Sure. In fact, it's One Hundred Percent legal!"

"Oh, ok then…If you say so…I'll go get my credit card…"

Oh no! I missed the deadline! Mr. Encami's going to kill me…!

From: "Mr. James Encami" <info@winecampus.org>
Subject: Dear Friend, Greetings!
Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:09:39 -0800

Dear Friend, Greetings!

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your of
$1,200.000.00 United States Dollars, but I did not hear from you since that time.

Then I went and deposited funds with a Security and Courier Company,
Lagos, Nigeria before I traveled out of the country for a 3 Months
Course and I will not come back till end of August. What you have to do
now is to contact the Security and Courier Company as soon as possible
to know when they will deliver your package to you. For your
information, I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium and
Clearance Certificate Fee. The only money you will send to the Courier &
Security Company to deliver your package direct to your postal Address in
your country is ($120.00 US) only being Security Keeping Fee of the
Courier Company so far.

Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except
$120.00 US Dollars. I would have paid that but they said no because they
don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have
to contact the Courier & Security Company now for the delivery of your
package with this information bellow;
Contact Person: Mr Tony Ije
Telephone:+234-805-653-5221
Email Address:tonyije01@yahoo.fr

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct
telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery
and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your
package over there and know when it will get to your address.

Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this
mail to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their
Security Keeping fee of $120.00 US Dollars for their immediate action.
Yours Faithfully,
Mr. James Encami

[End Email]

This reminds me of one I got before. The old, "All I need is a small fee and you're on your way to riches!" Hmm…

Check it out, mang: <info@winecampus.org>

Isn't every campus a wine campus? Well… maybe not AAU. "There are 12 steps to getting your degree. Step 1: Admit you are powerless…" I have no power! He-man: I haaavve THE POOWWWEEEERRRRRR!!!! "You just don't get it, do you?"

Back to the email: "I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your of $1,200.000.00…"

Let's just adjust that a little: I have been waiting for you to contact me for your [BLANK] of $1.2 million.

What is the BLANK? Is it a gift? Reward? Compensation for past efforts (but alas, no results)? Punishment?

"You were bad. As penance, we sentence you to life as a wealthy person. Have fun saying "No," to all the woodwork gremlins. Watch their faces afterwards. Sneer away, you little devils!"

"Oh, can I have $140,000 to buy a new car? Please? I'm a vet! I was in Vietnam!"

"You're only 19."

"Hey, I don't need to take this from some…civilian!!" Sneer, sneer, sneer…

Why, Encami, why?? How dare you curse me to a life of undeserved luxury! You'll rue the day…