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Archive for March 22nd, 2008

Happy Easter!

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

Whether you're orchestrating the most massive egg hunt in all of history, participating in said egg hunt, surfing, skiing, snowboarding, watching TV, playing video games, working, working out, working out your problems, working out at work while working out your problems, or whatever… have a Happy Easter!

Let's see, my ideal Easter would have me waking up after a restful sleep to see the biggest Cadbury Egg in the world outside. At least 2 stories tall. So I'd exit the building, climb up a conveniently-placed ladder next to the chocolate monument, and punch a hole in it. Then I'd jump inside, into the sugary goo… and… eat 'til I die! No, wait, I don't want to die… Let's get back to reality, here!

Ok, my real ideal Easter would have me waking up, yadda yadda, and then I'd walk over to a table with a mountain of Cadbury Egg packages. To the ceiling! I'd spend the day eating those chocolate easter eggs. And puking. No, wait! I don't want to eat until I throw up… Hmm…

My super real ideal Easter would have me achieve enlightenment as the world attains a lasting peace. And throw in a couple of those Cadbury Eggs. Yes! Now that sounds like a good time…

Crazy Experiences On Vacation

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

I was once vacationing in Atlanta, and I had this crazy experience. I was walking down a street with some friends, and all of a sudden we hear kids laughing from nearby, and the sound of water running. A little bit closer we could see they were playing on a Slip ‘N Slide. But it wasn’t a real Slip ‘N Slide! It was trash bags and a hose!

It was funny. I guess those kids got brainwashed by the ‘ol TV and begged and begged for “Slip ‘N Slide!” “Slip ‘N Slide!” Until finally someone had enough and went to the trouble of making their own.

So now you know, world, the secret formula behind homemade Slip ‘N Slides. Next week, the secret method for preparing a meal of blowfish.

Lucky for me, I didn’t require a list of things to do in Atlanta at the time. I was having too many crazy experiences (one after another, left and right!) to bother to worry about family vacation ideas.

But… Trusted Tours & Attractions ( could help in that regard. Like say you're going to San Francisco. What to do? Maybe see an Alcatraz tour. “Hey, what should we do in San Francisco?” “Let’s go to jail!” “All right!!” Fun for the whole family… has a newsletter to keep you apprised of up-to-date goings on. If you sign up before Monday, March 31st (2008), you just might win an IPOD Nano…

Bank of America Security Alert – Upgrade Your Personal Account Information (Email Spam)

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

I got this a while ago. It had the Bank of America logo on it, too. It's funny when spammers send you messages from banks that you don't do business with. But like I wrote before, PayPal scams probably snare a lot more people than ones for older, physical banking institutions.

Just as a side note, I can't believe how close we are to doing all our business electronically. (Robot Voice:) "1500 credits have been automatically deducted from your account for the toll on this newly privatized road. Have – a – nice – day."

[Begin Email]

Subject: Security Alert – Upgrade Your Personal Account Information .
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:23:22 +0100

You must update
Your Account Immediately
Please Click Here

Please update your records on or before 48 hours, a failure to update your records will result in a temporal hold on your funds.

Security Update Alert

Your primary Information for Bank of America Online Banking Need To Update.

var LetterVals = { UIStrings : { __last : 'not used' }, StateDynamic : true, yplus_browser : false, premium_user : false, smsintl : "", SidebarSyncActionType : "read", SidebarSyncAuxActionType : "", SidebarSyncUID : "4204", SidebarSyncAuxUID : "", getString : function(id) { var result = this.UIStrings[id]; if ( result == null ) { return "Not translated: '" + id + "'"; } return result; } } Bank Of America is constantly working to increase security for all Online Banking Customers . To ensure the integrity of our online payment system, we periodically review accounts.

Your account might be place on restricted status. Restricted accounts continue to receive payments, but they are limited in their ability to send or withdraw funds.

To lift up this restriction, you have to complete our verification process. You must confirm your credit card details and your billing information as well. All restricted accounts have their billing information unconfirmed, meaning that you may no longer send money from your account until you have updated your billing information on records. To initiate the update confirmation process

Please follow the link below and fill in the necessary requirements :

MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "" claiming to be

Thank you for your patience as we work together to protect your account.


Because E-Mail Is Not A Secure Form Of Communication, This E-Mail Box Is Not Equipped To Handle Replies.
If you have any questions about your account or need assistance, please call the phone number on your statement or go to Contact Us.


Bank of America , N.A. Member FDIC. Equal Housing Lender
2007 Bank of America Corporation. All rights reserved

[End Email]

I enjoy being alerted to deceptive links by MailScanner. But I don't think the Scanner was the reason for all that code near the top. I assume the scammer had a glitch in his system.

Or might it have been her system? I think the stereotypical computer user would be male, and the stereotypical criminal would be male. Therefore, the stereotypical computer criminal would be double-male? Making him female. No! Wait…

Spring Cleaning No Sweat With $20 Grand Home Makeover!

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

How thoroughly could you remodel your house with $20,000? A $20,000 home makeover would probably allow you to install an indoor spa in the master bathroom, create a kitchen island, and put in some nifty new carpets. And you could paint everything, get some new furniture, and fix all the tiny little problems that have built up over the years. Instead of dreading doing what little menial chores are left, you could look forward to revamping virtually every detail, at no cost to you! Awesome…

But gee, if only there were some way to make this crazy wild insane dream of a $20,000 home makeover come true… Waitaminute! Isn’t Renuzit TriScents having a contest right now with the grand prize of a home makeover worth exactly Twenty Thousand Dollars? Hey, yeah! That’s right! Wow, what luck!

In case you didn’t know, TriScents are “electric scented oil air fresheners.” Mmm, smell that scented air…

You can enter to win by submitting a video or a photo-essay combo, demonstrating why your house is in shambles (and therefore needs a makeover) and how Renuzit TriScents can help you bring your abode back from the brink of domestic destruction!

Remember in school where your professor would say, “Write me an essay of no fewer than 200 million words?” Well the TriScents contest is the opposite. If you choose the photo-essay combo entry, your essay must be no longer than 250 words. If you do a video instead, it must not exceed 2 minutes in length.

Hey, if you’ve never even heard of this company before, you can easily download the Renuzit TriScents Starter Kit coupon and go do some local shopping (or international if that suits your fancy). Once you’ve sampled their product (and at the discount provided via coupon) you might feel better about entering their contest. Or see official rules, just so you know what you’re getting into before you sign up.

Then again, a $20,000 home makeover might provide enough motivation all by itself!

Obama Is Wikipedia's Definition Of Charismatic

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

I was watching something on TV, and it showed a fictional character of intense charisma. I thought, "How did he get that way?" So I surfed on over to Wikipedia and looked up "Charisma."

This part reminded me of Obama:

"The following are Professor Wiseman's general tips on how to be more charismatic:

  • General: Open body posture, hands away from face when talking, stand up straight, relax, hands apart with palms forwards or upwards

  • To an individual: Let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch them on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact
  • To a group: Be comfortable as leader, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group
  • Message: Move beyond status quo and make a difference, be controversial, new, simple to understand, counter-intuitive
  • Speech: Be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat tempo, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis."

I don't know who Professor "Wise man" is. Maybe it's a gag?

Anyway, I thought of a sketch that SNL might consider doing, showing Obama in preparation for his reentry into the political sphere. Just before he enters the Presidential race, he'd be searching Wikipedia for any and all information that could help him.

"Let's see here — charisma — blah blah blah, comfort as a leader, move around, lean forward, blah blah, make a difference, be new, simple, beyond status quo, blah, blah, be clear, forceful, use imagery, blah, blah, slow for emphasis………… Got it!"

"Mr. Obama, you're needed on stage! Are you ready to speak?"

(leaning forward, with slow emphasis) "I am now."