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From the desk of Mr. Kola Johnson (Email Spam)


Nigeria, why are you so weird all the time?


[Begin Email]

From: "Mr. Kola Johnson"
Subject: From the desk of Mr. Kola Johnson
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:54:48 -0700

Zenith Bank plc
From the desk of Mr. Kola Johnson
Director, International Remittance Dept.
Eagle Square, Abuja – Nigeria.

Attn: Sir,

Upon the heel of the International Community Protest to the
International Monetary Fund office IMF in respect of non payment of your over due
fund with the Federal Government of Nigeria.

We the zenith bank plc has been appointed by the President Federal
Republic of Nigeria, Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar'adua upon the directives of the
IMF to direct you on how to receive your fund with our bank.

However, be informed that your payment including the interest has been
deposited in an escrow account of the Federal Government, which will be
release to you through diplomatic cash delivery to your door-step, As
soon as we receive your reply, Zenith bank will process your payment
through diplomatic cash delivery and send to your address.

Meanwhile, you are advise to forward to us the below information if
this option is acceptable by you.

(1) Your full Name: ………………..
(2) Your direct telephone numbers for easy contact…
(3) your international passport or any valid ID: ……………
(4) Your home address or your company address where you want the fund
to be delivered to you, that is all.

As soon as we receive an email from you with the above requirements, we
shall not hesitate to proceed on the release of your funds by this
bank.

I therefore, implore you to expedite action in your respond today.

Yours Truly,

MR. Kola Johnson
Director, International Remittance Dept.

[End Email]


Hey, they mentioned …the IMF!! The Impossible Mission Force! I once found a coin that had an IMF insignia. Must have been a toy or kids' thing. Or maybe the IMF is hunting me down…

Well, I better get around to honoring their request, and "expedite action in [my] respond." After all, sending a late "respond" is never good!

Let's see…

(1) Your full Name: Stratovarius Megatrend
(2) Your direct telephone numbers for easy contact… My numbers? 8, 5, and… 0
(3) your international passport or any valid ID: …………… Death Certificate
(4) Your home address or your company address where you want the fund
to be delivered to you, that is all. 123 Fake Street, Springfield, USA

That last one sounded like someone talking to themselves, imagining a negative response, and then justifying what they originally said. "Your home address or your company address." "What???" "Where you want the fund to be delivered to you, that's all!!"

Oh, ok. Why didn't you say so in the first place?

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One Response to “From the desk of Mr. Kola Johnson (Email Spam)”

  1. Scraper Site Thinks It Knows My Name | Misinterpreted dot Org Says:

    [...] Stratovarius Megatrend! [...]