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I rule so much. Why doesn't anybody recognize how much I rule? At least Morrison Esq. is aware of all my great efforts. (Singing:) I can't wait for payday…

[Begin Email]

Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2008 22:30:47 -0500
From: "Morrison Esq."

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds
transferred under the co-operation of a new partner from Paraguay.
Presently I'm in Paraguay for investment projects with my own share
of the total sum.

It may interest you to note that I didn't forget your past efforts
and attempts to assist me in transferring the funds though you were
not able to see it through for whatever reasons. After due
consideration, I have decided to compensate you for your efforts.

I have issued a check of $800,000 for you and had to drop it with
Karolla Express Courier Service in Nigeria and you are to contact them
with the following information as stated below for re-affirmation and
to ensure a safe delivery.

Full Name: ………………………
Address: ………………………..
Phone Number: ……………………

Note that the shipment fee and the insurance of the check has been
paid by me and the only fee you will be required to pay is $220
being the security charges for duration the check has been in their
possession. I would have made the payment but I do not know when
you will get in touch with them as the charges increases with the
amount of days they secure it. Endeavour you contact them immediately
before the security charge increases with days.

You are to contact them through the information as stated below
and note that the only fee you are to pay is the Security Charges
as every other stable fees has been paid.

Karolla Express Service Nigeria
Tel: +(234)-807-782-2142

I'm very busy here because of the investment projects which I
and my partner are involved in. Note that I have instructed
Karolla Express on your behalf to this effect. Get in touch with them
and they will ensure you get the check.

Thanks once again for all you effort during the course of the

[End Email]

They sure don't want that much personal information. Heck, all they'd need is a phone book to get some random person's name, address, and phone number. Oh, I see, they want the $220 "security charge," which will likely be higher by the time I contact them (as if!). I wonder what kind of investment project Morrison and his partner are involved in to keep them so busy? Maybe some sort of security charge hustle?

In the real world, large sums of money rarely get transferred around as rewards for "efforts." The cash only changes hands in the event of solid results. So that's dumb. But some people are desperate, and deeply want to believe in the power of human kindness — and free money.

Lately I've developed a theory that some of these spammer-scammers have created their own moral judgement system for who is a worthy con. They craft an email in such a way that anyone they hook must be dishonest. Like, "I forgot the name of the person I'm going to pay half a million bucks to. Is it you?" That way, anybody who answers will be lying, and therefore "deserve" to be conned out of their hard-earned cash.

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